


The Merry Bande Visit Lothlórien

by Ithiliana



Series: Bondage 'R Us [4]
Category: Lord of the Rings (2001 2002 2003)
Genre: AU, Bondage, Comic, FPS, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 18:45:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiliana/pseuds/Ithiliana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The Ring has never been found, and a cheeky band of hobbits has set out to make their fortunes. Inspired in April 2003 by the Sons_of_Gondor bondage challenge.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The Merry Bande Visit Lothlórien

**Author's Note:**

> The Ring has never been found, and a cheeky band of hobbits has set out to make their fortunes. Inspired in April 2003 by the Sons_of_Gondor bondage challenge.

Merry rubbed his hands as he stood outside the gold and silver tent enjoying the cool breeze making the decorative fringes wave delicately. It was the second day of the Centennial High Elven Music Appreciation Moote, and they'd made it through the first night without undue incident. Maybe they'd broken the jinx that had been plaguing them ever since Gondor. Maybe they could actually make a profit this time out.

He was especially glad to be out of Fangorn Forest. He NEVER listened to Pippin usually, and he wasn't sure why he'd made that particular mistake. Luckily for them, Sam carried his gardening implements everywhere, and they'd been able to improvise.

Although he was being very careful NOT to ask what was growing in the row of little clay pots Sam was now crooning over daily. And mulching. Merry shuddered.

The sun was now sinking behind the Misty Mountains, and he told himself he needed to make sure everything was set up for the night. Nothing like listening to elven harps all day to give the Eldar a yen for a visit to "Bondage 'R Us!"

He made sure the Special Sindarin Sign was hanging straight, then stuck his head inside the tent and yelled for Pippin.

No answer. Merry frowned. Odd. He went inside.

"Pippin," he bellowed.

Sam and Frodo were busy packing away the elven ropes (which as a built-in safety feature never worked on elves) and uncoiling lengths of clothesline. They shrugged when Merry asked them where Pippin was.

Merry grabbed a handy stool and went back outside, frowning. Pippin was the perfect bait for elves as they'd discovered in Mirkwood last year. Who would have thought that the Eldar, the Eldest Race, first born of Iluvatar, immortal, tall, beautiful, noble, cultured, and bloody good archers would be such suckers for dirty jokes? Especially a hobbit's dirty jokes.

Apparently they intimidated everyone so much nobody had ever dared to tell them one through all the Ages of Middle-earth.

Before Pippin.

At that point, Pippin came dashing up, panting.

"Where have you been?" Merry demanded. "No, never mind, don't tell me. Just sit down and get ready to start telling jokes."

"Sure, Boss. Want to hear the one I've decided to start with?"

"NO!" Merry ducked back into the tent hurriedly. The fact that not only did elves love dirty jokes, they loved BAD dirty jokes even more was NOT something he wanted to dwell on.

He went to make sure Frodo and Sam were ready. They were. No problems here-elves loved the rough peasant look that hobbits excelled at. They could wear their regular clothes, though he'd had to punish Frodo yesterday for trying to sneak into velveteen. Merry beamed approvingly when he saw him wearing worn blue trousers and a blue-green shirt that set off his eyes.

Merry took up his post near the entrance.

They were having to make do without "Dernhelm." Luckily Elves rarely gave anyone any trouble. When they'd arrived yesterday, Galadriel had taken one look at the warrior in gleaming armor and kicked his feet out from under him. Merry should have realized what was likely to happen: in his experience, male elves were SO gay that female elves tended to react like that around any human warrior.

Goodness knows, he'd seen what Aragorn had gotten up to in Rivendell.... Lothlórien..... AND Mirkwood. Merry suddenly realized there might be a reason why it had taken him sixty years to become King of Men!

When Dernhelm's helm had fallen off revealing waist-length blonde hair, Galadriel wasn't bothered in the least. She'd just borrowed a couple of Double Fun Toys from the Toy Cheste, grabbed Éowyn's arm, and marched her off into the nearest _talan_. Merry hadn't seen them since.

He could hear Pippin with the first group of elves and winced. At least their laugher drowned Pippin's voice out. Some of the time.

"An Elf, a Dwarf and a Man go into a bar.....He says, "On your knees, bitch! Oooops, sorry, on your TOES, bitch!"

Wild applause, cheers, and calls for an encore.

"What's a Nazgul like you doing in a place like this?"

Merry couldn't take any more. He swept open the curtain and bowed the Elves in before Pippin could finish.

The evening went well although the volume of Elves could not compare to their numbers from Isengard. Merry wasn't sure why Elves took so long, but he figured it had to do with them living so long. And liking long poetry. Epic length and beyond. Even trilogies.

Still he couldn't complain. They tipped in _mithril_, and, Merry had to admit, none of the Bande were upset about the extended.......hours. In fact, he noticed that they were tending to walk around (slowly) with dreamy smiles.

The last customer had just left when an Elf wearing gold armor and red silk flounced through the entrance.

"You are all servants of the Enemy!" he shouted. "The Queen's Ring has been stolen, and the Mirror of Galadriel reveals that you are the culprits!"

Merry gaped at him in shock.

The Elf advanced menacingly on Merry who backed away. Not quickly enough. The Elf grabbed him by the ankles, turned him upside down and started shaking him.

Sam and Frodo dashed out with a length of clothesline between them, ran down the tent, and swept the Elf off his feet. Within a few minutes, they had him wound round with clothesline.

Merry picked himself up off the ground. "Gag and blindfold him," he ordered.

After they did, they dragged him into the nearest cubicle. Merry sent Frodo in to keep him busy. As usual, the angry (but muffled) shouts turned into ecstatic moans almost instantly.

Then he dragged Sam to the other end of the tent. "What's going on?" he demanded.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know, Boss."

"Where's Pippin?" Merry searched the cubicles and found Pippin hiding in one.

Merry hauled him out to where Sam was standing. "What's going on?"

Pippin blushed and looked down.

Merry recognized THAT look. "OK, Pip, spit it out."

"Well, um, I just meant to sort of borrow it," Pippin mumbled.

"BORROW a Ring of POWER!" Merry shrieked before he could remind himself that they didn't need THAT kind of free advertising. "Turn it over NOW."

Pippin blushed even harder. "Mumble mumble can't get it off."

"What?"

Pippin undid his pants and let them fall around his ankles. Merry and Sam gazed in wonder as they saw the silver of _mithril_ and a soft white light gleaming where nobody would ever expect to find Nenya, the Ring of Adamant.

"Mumble thought it might help mumble tonight. It went on OK, but it won't come off."

Pippin HAD been in unusual demand tonight, Merry realized. And now he knew why.

Merry rummaged in the Toy Cheste, then turned back to face Pippin. ""Take if off NOW, or I'll do it," he threatened, waving a large set of pliers. "Sam you help him. Or else."

Pippin squeaked in dismay, but Sam got right down to helping him.

Merry paced the tent while Sam finished with Pippin. They'd have to get out of here immediately.

When Sam gave him the Ring, Merry sent him and Pippin off to retrieve Eowyn. Then he finished packing himself since Frodo was still occupied.

Finally, when the moans died down, Merry snuck into the cubicle to get Frodo, slipping the Ring onto one of the unconscious Elf's fingers. Pippin was right: it did go right on.

Everything was ready when Sam and Pippin returned, carrying Eowyn.

Quick and soft as shadows, the Merry Bande slung first Eowyn on Bill the Pony and then Frodo on top of Éowyn (just this once because they were unable to walk), and headed out of Lothlórien under the silver light of a beautiful full Moon. Merry wasn't sure where they would go next, but he definitely intended to be far away from the Heart of Elvendom on Earth when the Sun rose!

**Author's Note:**

> ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
> 
> Thanks to Excecutrix for the dirty jokes!!!
> 
> Thanks to Cinzia for reminding me about Haldir and his thing for blindfolds (book not movieverse)!!!
> 
> Finally, although I did not see The Famous MTV awards show, I did hear about it from several friends, and the show probably did influence this story!.


End file.
